For those of you who are not familiar with the Southern Comfort Conference, I thought a bit of explanation would be helpful. If you are familar with SCC or other gender conferences, feel free to skip this posting.

SCC, as the conference is generally known, is perhaps the largest “gender” conference in the world. It is held once a year, usually in September, in Atlanta. It usually runs from Tuesday to Saturday. It has been going on for 20 years and has attracted up to 1000 or more attendees. In many ways it is typical of any type of conference, it is held at a nice hotel and has seminars, social events, and vendors selling their wares. The conference attendees usually does not take every room in the hotel and so there are typically many people at the hotel who are not associated with the conference and so the environment is very “mixed”.

What makes gender conferences interesting is the wide variety of TG people who show up. One really gets the whole spectrum at the conference. Most of the attendees are male to female crossdressers or transsexuals but there are an increasing number of “transmen” (female to male transsexuals). Some typical attendees include:

Crossdressers who pretty much never go out in public and for which the conference is their one chance to dress up in public. Some of these folks are pretty extreme in what they wear while others are conservative and dress in a very ordinary way. Many of these folks would never “pass” in public either because of body shape, choice in clothing, simply a general lack of interest in passing. For the conference is mostly an extension of their “closet.”

“Newbies” for which the conference is the first time they have appeared in public dressed as woman. They can be crossdressers venturing out the closet for the first time or early stage transsexuals trying to understand their situation (or both).

There are Crossdressers who are comfortable being in public situations and/or belong to support groups. They range from very passable to not passable at all. Most have worked to some extent on their appearance and feminine image. These folks often come just for the socials and to meet old friends although they may attend the seminars out of general interest or simply as a way of doing something en femme.

There are pre-op transsexuals in various phases of their transition. Some may already be living as women (or men for Female to Male) or thinking about it. They come, among other reasons, to meet with doctors who may perform some type of surgery on them such as Facial Feminization Surgery or Genital Reassignment Surgery. These folks are collecting information about life changing processes.

There are post-op transsexuals who may be there for to help run things, provide support, or simply to meet up with friends. They are also often politically active and involved with lobbying efforts to address discrimination against transgendered people.

There are spouses and significant others of attendees. These are most often genetic women who have some association with a TG woman. Some may be partners of transmen. The conference usually has special events just for them.

Finally, these days there are increasing numbers young people for whom their current and alternative gender is somewhat uncertain. For them gender is a much more of a fluid concept and for which the notion of “transitioning” is increasingly meaningless. This year I met a number of young people whose gender I could simply not determine.

There are also lots of people that don’t fit into one of these categories. You meet very large women who have fully transitioned but will never pass as a woman. These brave folks may have lost everything in their transition.

There are also part time crossdressers with faces and bodies that would be the envy of many generic women. Many have no interest in transitioning but are just having fun.

As I noted above, the format of the conference is much like any other conference. There are seminars, organized social events, vendors, and lots of free time for unstructured socializing. The seminars cover a range of topics including :

• Help to develop a more “feminine” style which includes movement, voice, fashion, makeup, etc.
• Lifestyle issues including how to transition, how to deal with work or family issues, TG sexuality, etc.
• Medical issues including surgery options, hormones, general health
• Political issues, including legislation, discrimination issues, etc.

The seminars occur during the day. In the evening there are a number of social events that allow people who may have never gone to a theater or restaurant “en femme” to do so. They pick places that are safe and accepting.

There are also special events such as the “pool party” which allows people to gather around the hotel’s pool wearing while wearing women’s swimsuits, pajama parties (all “girl” sleepovers), etc.. These are mostly intended to allow crossdressers who would never do these things in public to do so in a safe environment.

Finally there are formal dinners and dances which again allow attendees to get really dressed up in formal dresses or cocktail wear. Again, this provides an opportunity for attendees to do things in a “relative” public setting that they would never otherwise do.

In many ways the conference is just an excuse to provide that safe haven for crossdressers to escape (or expand) their closets. It may be once a year escape or a simply the first (or second) escape that leads to a life outside the closet. A lot depends on what the individual is looking for.

Gender conferences can be very entertaining, very helpful, or very strange depending on you viewpoint.

For me, gender conferences have usually been the cause of great emotional stress and I tend to avoid them like the plague.

I was going to start writing about my experiences at the Southern Comfort Conference but decided instead to write about my recent en femme visit to a local “Renaissance Faire”. For those of you who don’t know about these faires, you should go at least once as they are lots of fun.

The basic idea of a Renaissance Faire (or any of the various “reenactment faires”) is to recreate an idealized village from long ago and populate it with shops, entertainment, and suitably dressed people. Think of it as your local “art and wine festival” but moved back in time a few hundred years. The largest have dozens to hundreds of shops, food vendors, wandering singers and actors, etc. Many these day have “combat” times in which suitably dressed “knights” (or whatever the period soldier is) hack away at each other. They are usually held in the country and so the ground is either dirt or grass or some combination and the shops are often tents or similar period correct structures. It gives it a nice rustic appeal. There is usually much drinking, eating, and merriment for all. To really enjoy it though you have to get “into” the scene and one of the best ways is dress up.

I like going to these faires because they are fun and provide a great opportunity for going “en femme”. Since lots of people are oddly dressed anyway, nobody cares how you look (provided you are “period correct”). In the several faires I have attended en femme, I have never gotten any reaction at all from anyone (except for the one saleswoman who told me she liked my nails).

I have two faire dresses that I bought on Ebay. One is sort of a peasant look with a red lace-up bodice and long blue skirt. The bodice is like a vest but laces up in the front using ribbon. One can use it to expose as much cleavage as you want (and those who are suitably endowed tend to show lots, unlike myself who has little to show…).

The skirt is very simple, rather full, made with plain blue fabric, and with an elastic waistband. I wear both over a white chemise. The chemise is basically a long sleeve, floor length undergarment that is very full and flowing. It made out of a rather sheer plain white cotton fabric that is usually “one size fits all”. To this outfit I add a black belt, leather purse, hat, knife, and sandals. It makes for a very peasant look. Its fun to wear and I really like it.

The other dress is more fancy and is made of a rich green, velvet-like fabric. It also has a lace-up bodice and full skirt but is much nicer. It is not a peasant look nor the look of a noble. It is sort of in the middle. Unfortunately it’s a lot warmer to wear since the fabric is heavier and given the faires usually happen in the summer to fall, I tend to wear it less often.

For this last visit I wore the peasant look since it was a warm day. Some of the women wore much heavier outfits with high collars, long sleeves, and even more petticoats. They are usually portraying nobles and hence must bear the “burden” of their position in life…

One of the things I really like about Renaissance Faires is that lots of people dress up in clothing that fits the time period. I think of it as sort of a Renaissance “drag show” since people are wearing clothes that are extremely different that what they normally wear and they are doing just for fun. Women who normally live in jeans and sneakers suddenly appear in long dresses with multiple petticoats, jewelry galore, hats, etc. Men who go about in plain suits during the week appear in brightly colored shirts, leather vests, leggings, hats with feathers, and carry swords and knifes. Those who practice can speak with the vocabulary and accents of long ago.

In a lot of ways it reminds me a lot of the TG (especially the Crossdressing part of it) world, people dressing up in clothing that is very different than what they normally wear and doing it mostly for fun. But what also strikes me is how differently the two worlds are generally viewed. Dressing up in uncomfortable clothes from hundreds of years ago is generally viewed as “okay”, even charming. Dressing up in the current clothing styles of the “other” gender is viewed as “weird” or even perverse. It is interesting to ponder why this is so.

The faire itself was pretty fun and pleasantly uneventful. I bought my ticket and wandered around the grounds for much of the day. I watched various performers (singers and dancers) do their thing, purchased food and drink, wandered through endless shops looking and buying additional items for my outfit. Throughout the whole day I was unaware of any special attention and was treated well by shopkeepers, performers, and other guests. I even saw another TG woman and observed that we was also ignored by pretty much everyone (of course she was not dressed nearly as nice as I was…). The major challenge of the day was managing to use the “porta-potty” while wearing a full skirt. It is harder than it looks.

All and all, it was great day. I would recommend it to everyone.



I picked the third look I described previously: the ambiguous gender look. I still wore my wig and female/unisex clothes (jeans, top, and boots with a little heel) but that was it. No makeup, jewelry, or padding. I had my feminine styled notebook case but my purse was inside.  I used mannerisms and voice that were also in the middle between male and female. I was curious what the reactions of other people would be. Would I be read as male or female.?

My first reaction was when I returned by rental car to Avis. I drove into the return area, removed my suitcase, and waited for the agent to do the return paperworkk. The car was clearly in my male name, but the woman who checked my car in said:

“thank you for using Avis, Ms Jones”

Now that was unexpected and a pleasant surprise! I just love Avis agents.

The luggage check-in and security screening went smoothly. No extra inspections or questions this time but also no more “ma am”s. I purchased some dinner and noted that the pronouns were generally not used, just the generic ”can I help you?” I boarded  the plane without incident. As I was sitting on the plane for the long ride home, I wondered what had triggered the extra inspections in SF? Was it the padding, the makeup, what? Was it the definite feminine appearance and male ID mismatch? Perhaps the agents picked up my nervousness when going through security? Was I just unlucky (but luckier than the woman behind me in line)? One can never know (sort of like whether you are passing or not) but it was interesting to think about.

I arrived back late into San Francisco and changed before heading home. All and all, it was a great trip that I never would have thought I could do. I am already planning another en femme trip soon, probably to Las Vegas as the airfare these days is really inexpensive. Its also close so that I don’t spend all the time on the plane. I will probably wear the same general outfit as I did for this trip. I will eventually go  really femme but not quite yet.

After I arrived in Atlanta I retrieved my luggage and headed for the Avis rental counter. I fly often on business and am a member of Avis “Preferred” service which means they have all your information on file and hence there is often no need to stand in any line. You go to a special area and find your name on the display with a parking place location next to it. You can go to the car where your paperwork and key are waiting. You just need to show it to the guard at the gate and you are off. It saves hours at the airport.

That is how it is supposed to work and how I was hoping it would work. I had planned that my only human contact would be 20 seconds at the gate with me sitting in the car and the guard doing his normal quick check on things. Given how well things had gone in San Francisco I thought this would a piece of cake.

It was not to be.

I headed over to the Preferred area and was met with a virtually blank display, 20 people in line, one clerk, and virtually empty parking area (i.e. almost no cars available). It was not going to be as easy as I planned. Still I remained calm in my new found confidence. It was a little daunting though.

For the next 40 minutes I stood in a long line of mostly impatient businesspeople (mostly men) as we inched forward. The only thing that made it enjoyable was the handsome gentleman behind me with whom I talked for much of the time. We bemoaned the line, especially how we “frequent travelers” did not need this kind of delay. We swapped travel stories and were both amused by the very large man (at least 6’6” and 250 pounds) in front of us who was wearing size 16+ neon yellow sneakers and by his equally large (male) friend who was carrying a very small matching neon yellow purse!! The combination of matching shoes and purse on two very macho looking guys was really very funny. I still wonder what was going with the purse…

Eventually I reached the gate and handed my male ID to the agent and told her I had a reservation. She took my ID without a word, did some typing, printed out my contract, and handed both back to me with the words:

 “Thank you for selecting Avis and we apologize for the delay, MA’AM!!

 Thank YOU Avis !!

 Once again I was pleasantly surprised but less than before with the airline and TSA. I was finding that nobody really cared, just like I had been told. I had learned this lesson previously when I first out in public and every time after that. Most people are either unaware or simply do not care how you look. They either look briefly and conclude “female” or look more carefully and figure something is not right but don’t care (beyond idle curiosity). They have their own lives and worries and are not spending their time wondering if you are a boy or girl.

 I headed to my car, loaded my luggage, and drove to exit gate. This should be the easy part, I thought. I reached the exit, handed my contract and ID to the gate guard and waited. He looked at it, verified it was the right car, matched my ID to the contract, gave them both back to me, and said:

“thank you for selecting Avis”

It was the easiest thing I did all day.

I drove off feeling wonderful. I had made it all the way from San Francisco to Atlanta en femme and absolutely nothing bad had happened. Everyone had been very polite and professional.

The next stop was the Southern Comfort Conference hotel. I did not expect it to be a big deal as the hotel staff was already dealing with hundreds of TG people in a wide variety of looks. I do recall seeing a rather large person in a pink frilly dress checking in and the desk staff being completely cool and professional. After that I was a complete nonissue for them and checked in without a problem.

The SF Symphony occasionally performs at 2pm on Thursdays which makes it much easier to go than an evening performance. Fortunately I have a job with flexible hours and so taking off an afternoon to go to the symphony is  not a big deal. I can leave work at noon and be dressed and there by 2pm.

As I said, the symphony presents an opportunity for getting dressed up, although for afternoon performances more folks tend to be casual or at least in career-wear rather than evening-wear. I tend to wear a skirt suit when I go the symphony although I sometimes where a very nice dress. For evening performances most people wear black or perhaps dark blue (although there is always someone in jeans or in a brightly colored outfit). An afternoon performance allows a bit more color and so I wore my pumpkin blazer over a brown skirt and blouse. Its very “fall” and browns are good colors on me. I added some brown sandals with a moderate heel since I had some walking to do. It was a very “career” outfit and fit right in for an afternoon performance.

I actually arrived a little later than I wanted and so parked in a nearby parking garage. I did not have a ticket and so had to stop at the box office and buy one. I have done this enough times that I am very comfortable with the process. Sometimes I have will call ticket but most of the time I just buy it there. One of the first times I went to the symphony, maybe ten years ago,   a very nice gentleman came up to be and offered me his wife’s ticket! He told me his wife was ill and could not make it and I guess I felt safe offering it to me. I was thrilled both because the ticket was in a great location and it was sitting next to him! It was both a wonderful and awkward experience. I found myself sitting with a bunch of couples as his companion. He obviously knew all of them but was okay with me sitting there next to him. I kept waiting for him to make a pass at me or something like that but he was the perfect gentleman the whole time.  At intermission I got really nervous standing next to him trying to make small talk. Today it would be great fun but back then I was not so confident and just wanted to get away. I excused myself to go the ladies room and did not make it back until right before the performance started again. At the end of the performance I thanked him and left.  It was a great confidence boost in any case.

This time I was on my own to buy my own ticket. I asked the box office person for something in the second tier, which is very high up but relatively inexpensive. For the symphony it matters less where you sit since in Davies Hall one can hear the music very well almost anyplace. In addition all the musical pieces were unknown to me and so I did not want to spend lots of money listening to music I may  not like. I ended up with a $40 ticket on an aisle. I bought the ticket and presented it to the usher and went in. I was late and the performance had already started and so I made a stop in the ladies room to make sure everything was in place and then bought a bottle of water at the refreshment center.

When the first piece was finished I was allowed in and found my seat with the help of an usher.  I soon found myself sitting among almost a hundred little old ladies! I then remembered that the afternoon performances were popular with seniors since it was both in the daytime and less expensive than evening performances. There were rows and rows of them with nearly a man in sight. It was quite amusing. My brown hair really stood out amid all the gray/white hair.  I felt very young!

The rest of the performance, however, was less than thrilling . Like many performances these days, the SF Symphony conductor picked a number of more modern works to play first with older piece(s) being played after the intermission. You must sit through the tedious “modern”
 work in order to get the “good stuff” (your opionion, may of course, differ). The first piece which I missed was something that had been written in 1995. I don’t know what it sounded like but my experience with other such pieces leads me to believe I did not miss much.

The second piece was by Aaron Copeland and called the Organ Symphony. I had not heard it before but I was looking forward to it since I like other works by him such as the Grand Canyon Suite and Fanfare for the Common Man. Unfortunately I was not impressed by this particular piece. It seemed all sound and fury without much significance or melody. I was very disappointed. The audience seemed to agree as the applause was very tepid.

The intermission was after that the Copeland piece and I was ready for a break. The Davies Symphony Hall has multiple levels on which  one can wander about and since I was at the second teir, I went outside on a balconey-like structure that overlooks the streets. It  hold maybe 20-30 people. At night its really very beautiful as you can see the lights of the city and especially the dome of the City Hall. During the day it is less impressive. I went out there for awhile and sipped my water. Lots of people just stand there looking out and so I fit right in. Like most situations, it hard to say what people are thinking when they glance at you. For the most part, I received no reactions whatsoever and so felt just fine.

After the intermission the orchestra played Tchaikovsky’s Fourth Symphony. I have always liked his works but I have recently become a real fan of this symphonies. My favorites are the Third and Fifth but I also like the Sixth. His ballet works are moving beyond words. I had not heard the Fourth and was looking forward to it. After the tedium of the Copeland piece, I was looking forward to something wildly romantic. I moved seats to a better location, closer to the orchestra and a little less crowded. I found a mostly empty box and sat down in a row with only one another person, a woman about the same age as I. She acknowledged me as I sat down but that was about it since the music started almost immediately after I sat down. There were 4-5 people in the row behind me but they were mostly wrapped up in their own conversation and generally ignored me.

The music itself was okay. The Fourth Symphony is not likely to become a favorite but it was mostly pleasant to listen to.  It had enough romantic elements to brighten my spirits and make the trip worthwhile.

Once the music was over I headed out. I made the mistake of taking the stairs and by the time I reached the street the balls of my feet were hurting from the heels. They were mostly comfortable, especially in the arch, but the ball of one foot was really sore. I walked back to the parking garage and got my car. I headed out and soon got stuck in traffic. I stopped on the way home and did some shopping at Marshall’s and Ross but did not find anything I really liked enough to try on. I am looking for a new purse but did not find what I was looking for. From there I stopped at a 7-11 to get a sandwich since I it had been a long time since lunch.  I was wildly overdressed for the place but the clerk twice refered to me as “ma’am” which was nice to hear.

Overall, it was nice afternoon. It was fun to get out and do something I enjoy and doing it in girl mode made it even more pleasant. The music was mostly to my liking. All my encounters with people were good and I appeared to generate no unusual responses from anyone. Life does not get any better.

It was going to be a long flight to Atlanta and so I decided to get some food before getting on the plane.  I stopped up at a little sandwich shop and after picking out a sandwich headed for the checkout stand where I was met by a middle aged female clerk who as nicely as possible said:

“Will there be anything else SIR?”

Ouch…..So much for the good feelings…

I smiled at her, asked for a diet Coke, paid her, walked away toward the gate. I was determined not to let myself get rattled. I told myself “one cannot pass all the time, everyone gets read at times”. I sort of believed it and it made me feel better. After a short wait, my zone was called and I got in line. One last test remained.

I handed my ticket to the agent, she scanned it into the machine, gave it back to me, and said “have a nice flight”. The machine displayed my guy name but it seemed a total nonissue (except, perhaps, for the guy behind me in line as my name was clearly evident!).

Once again a big nothing. I was really wondering what I was so concerned about. Why exactly had I not slept the night before? 

I sat down in my seat and finally started to relax a little. I had done it. Here I was on the flight as Robin. Everything had gone better than I could have possibly hoped but my stomach was still in knots. I suspected it was mostly leftover anxiety and lack of sleep but I found it hard to fully relax. The person sitting next to me fell asleep soon after takeoff and so I was mostly left alone in my thoughts. I took a short nap and felt better.

What really got me relaxed was something that occurred a few hours into the flight soon after the flight attendants had finished with meal service. They had, for some odd reason, skipped the entire row I was in. I went back to let them know and was greeted with:

“hello ma’am, can we help you?”  

 I could have kissed them, right then and there.

 Instead I smiled and  told them they had skipped our row and they immediately apologized. I returned to my seat and they appeared shortly there after to provide drinks and snacks. I was felt much better the rest of the flight. I read some, talked to the passenger next to me, and generally enjoyed myself.

Everything had gone so well. Only one test remained.

She took everything, glanced up at me, did some typing, and printed out my luggage tag. She attachéd the luggage tag to my suitcase and had the baggage handler lift it onto the conveyer belt. We exchanged a few simple words, she handed me back my ticket and ID, and said “gate 48, have a nice flight and thank you for flying on Delta.” She even gave me a pass on my 51 pound suitcase (50 pound limit).

No smirk, no comment, no nothing….this might be easier than I thought!

Still, I figured she was just an airline agent and probably really did not care. The real test would be the TSA agents. They are responsible for security and keep dangerous people (like me) off the plane. Still I was flushed with my success at the airline ticket counter and so  I applied some quick lipstick. My appearance was instantly more femme.

The security checkpoint was a short walk from the Delta counter and the line at it was not too bad, about 15 people and it moved quickly. I really did not know what to expect.  I soon approached the ID checking agent, a young woman.  I handed her my ticket and male ID and waited for her to call the police. She looked at them, verified my ID was valid,  wrote something on my ticket,  handed them back and said “have a nice flight”.

Wow, once again…Things are going really well.

 However the TSA still had a few surprises for me. As I put my things on the X-ray belt and moved toward the metal detector I was approached by another TSA agent and who asked me where I was going. The conversation went like this:

•  (agent) Hello ma’am, may I ask where you are headed?
• (me) Atlanta
• (agent) Will that be for business or pleasure?
• (me) I will be attending a conference there
• (agent) What is the nature of the conference?
• (me) It is a conference on gender
• (agent) What will happen at the conference?
• (me) There will be seminars and discussions
• (agent) Thank you, have a nice flight.

It was oddly not upsetting. I was a little surprised at first but remembered to tell the truth and they were okay with what I told them. Looking back I am still surprised I was so calm. In retrospect the interview  sounds a lot worse than it felt at the time.

After that I went through the metal detector and did not set off any alarm but was motioned aside for additional screening (just behind the guy with the turban…). They were not done with me yet.

As I waited in a little roped off area, I heard the male TSA agent speak into his radio and  request an agent for a “female pat down” ( Yeh!!). I suddenly developed a great love for the TSA.  They did exactly what their policy said: patdowns are to be done by an agent of the same “represented” gender. Soon a young female agent showed up and instructed me to stand on the mat and spread my arms and legs. A quick pat down (nothing too private: legs, arms, back, shoulders) and I was free to leave with a “have a nice day.” My purse and notebook bag were not searched (beyond the normal xray).

I had clearly been given a more thorough check than usual but I was really okay with it. The TSA people were all nice and very professional. It was like they encounter TGs everyday (and in SF, they probably do).

I picked up my bags and started to put everything back into them. While I was putting my shoes on I watched the genetic woman who was behind me line getting an even more thorough examination than I. They were running the wand all over her, having her lift her blouse, and undo the waist band on her pants. They were being really sort of abrupt with her. She looked really embarrassed. Watching her treatment made me feel I got off easy.

I walked away from the TSA inspection feeling like I did not need a plane to get to Atlanta, I could just fly there all on my own. I was really feeling good.

Still, in the days before the flight I grew increasingly nervous. My stomach was in knots 2 days before the flight. I imagined all sorts of terrible possibilities. Oddly enough I was not worried about what might happen officially. I figured at the very worst I could be refused entry and would have to convert back to boy mode. Likewise I really did not worry about being recognized by someone I knew. What I did worry most about was the laugh, the snicker, the comment, etc.

I went through the motions at home and work alternating between high anxiety and the calm of the condemned. The long Labor Day weekend gave me endless time to think about all the bad things that could happen. More than once I decided to drop the idea and just go in boy mode. At the same time I kept telling myself that I could do this and rationally the worst that could happen was really not very bad (i.e. be refused entry and have to go in boy mode).

The day before the flight I went to work in a rather nervous state. I barely slept the night before the flight (which left me exhausted and even more rattled). The day of the flight, I left home and changed on the way to the airport (I am really good at changing in my car). I drove to the airport and parked my car. My hands were literally trembling as I got out of my car. I was worried this would make the security types even more concerned.

I got my luggage and got onto the train that runs between the parking garages and the terminals. I frequently fly out of SFO on business and so the process was familiar and a bit comforting. I had often thought about how it would be to fly out in girl mode and now here I was actually doing it. I realized that I could actually do this and felt much calmer but I knew it was the calm before the storm.

Eventually the train reached the terminal and looked around to find the Delta check-in counter. I was pushing a luggage cart and so had to use the elevator to reach the terminal. I ended up sharing it would another passenger and we exchanged pleasantries without incident. It was a nice boost to my confidence.

I found the Delta counter and got into the baggage check line. There were about 10 people in front of me and so I had to wait. As I stood there, I initially was getting more nervous but after about 10 minutes, as I moved closer to the front of the line, I became calmer. Part of it was that I knew I was committed and the rest was the realization that I could deal with whatever came up. I was definitely on an emotional roller coaster. I don’t think I had been that nervous since the first time I went ou during the daylight in girl mode.  At that time I had gone out with a wonderful woman who worked with TG people in SF. She literally held my arm as we walked down a street in her neighborhood. I was so nervous I could hardly walk. Everything had gone fine with her and it opened up a whole new world for me. I hoped this trip would open up even more horizons.

Finally I was at the front of the line. I was next…

 Getting ready really started when I booked the flight a few months before the conference and at the time told myself that I would fly in girl mode.

I decided to do a search of the web to learn about the experiences of other part time TG girls who had flown en femme. There were a few but not a lot, especially in the past few years. Stories about what someone did pre 2001 or even in 2007 seemed ancient history. I found two girls who claimed they had done so recently: Meg at www.callmemeg.com and Kimberly at http://kimberlyhuddle.blogspot.com/.

 I went over their stories carefully and found that they had reported no problems with either the airline or the TSA. That sounded good but one can never be sure on the web whether a story is real or just some one’s fantasy. The TG world, especially, is full of fantasy and I worried that reported airline trips were just one more bit of TG fantasy.

 I also talked to other people of the TG community and several people said they “knew” of other people who had flown en femme (but had not done so themselves). Second hand information is always questionable.

 Then I tracked down and read every bit of TSA information that might have been relevant.While not addressing TG people directly, what I read seemed encouraging.  For example, breast forms for cosmetic or medical reasons are okay, need not be removed,  and not subject to the 3oz, 1 plastic bag rule. They also stated that when a person is to be “patted down”, the gender of the TSA agent doing the search must be the same as the “represented gender” of the person in question. “Represented gender” sounded really good since it suggests that represented gender might be different than actual gender (and that would be okay). Throughout all the TSA literature, they repeatedly stated that each person is to be treated with respect no matter their appearance. While this was probably directed more at religious and ethnic minorities, I figured it also would apply to me.

 All in all, it all sounded okay. A few TG girls had done it and reported no problems and the TSA seemed generally accommodating of “unusual” people.

 Having convinced myself that flying in girl mode was at least conceivable, the next decision was what to wear.  I decided I had three basic options:

 The first option would be to go really femme and present a very feminine look. This would include wig, full makeup, breast and hip pads, jewelry, a dress or skirt outfit, heels/pumps, etc. Leave no doubt that I am presenting as a woman. The TG girls that had flown had gone this route.

 The second option was go sort of a casual femme. It is actually how most generic women travel (and live) . It would include a wig, some padding (perhaps smaller breast forms), a little makeup, a little jewelry, unisex pants (i.e. jeans or cords), cotton top, and casual shoes (tennis shoes or boots). It is clearly a feminine look but sort of unisex at the same time. As I said, it is what you would see on most genetic women when they are not at work.

 The third option was a very androgynous look, a little femme but really sort of ambiguous. It could say female or perhaps effeminate gay male. It would include a wig and female pants/top/shoes but without much makeup or padding. A casual observer would likely conclude “female” while those who looked more carefully might conclude gay male. About the only difference from the picture on my male ID would be the wig.

 After much thought, I decided on the second option. The first seemed like too much of a risk, especially if I was refused entry and had to change back into boy mode to get onto the plane. The third option felt like a cop-out. Traveling in a unisex outfit with a wig hardly seemed like traveling en femme.

 My final outfit was simple: wig, women’s blue jeans, a casual ¾ length sleeve red top, a lightweight blue denin jacket, and low heel brown boots. I wore a little foundation, some colored lip gloss, a little jewelry (watch, bracelet but no ear rings), smaller breast forms that suggested breasts but left a little uncertainty. I also used smaller hip pads that created a slight curve. My wig was brushed in sort of a unisex style. The outfit clearly said “female” but not too strongly.

 I figured that if I need to go back into boy mode, it would be really simple: remove the wig and breast/hip pads and lick off the lip gloss. “Poof” I am a boy!

 I also thought that I could “femme it up” as needed by adding more makeup, jewelry, and brushing the wig into a more feminine style.

 This was an outfit I could fly in.

Earlier this year I got close to as Robin but backed out at the last minute, settling for wearing a woman’s sweater, pants, and boots but otherwise being in boy mode.  However for the trip to SCC this year, I decided it was time to get more adventurous and fly there “en femme” as the expression goes. For most part time TG people, this is really a big scary thing to think about doing. For me, it was both scary and not so scary. Let me explain why, starting with why would was not so scary.

 The simple answer is that I have already gone pretty much everyone in girl mode. As I said above I do a lot of traveling on business and often spend free time at my destination in girl mode. I have been to dozens of cities without incident. I have gone to shopping centers, museums, concerts, trade shows, and gas stations without a single negative experience. Closer to home I regularly go shopping, to the symphony, to Renaissance faires, to dinner, to Church, etc without a second thought and without anything bad every happening. I am pretty much “out” to the world (though not to my family). About the only place I don’t go is to clubs (especially TG clubs) and bars (my reasons are will be a topic for another day). I can truthfully say that I have never had a bad experience while out as Robin. I have found people all over the country to be either completely clueless (usually men) or accepting (usually women). While I would like to attribute this to my wonderful ability to “pass”, a lot of it is more likely a combination of cluelessness and graciousness on the part of others.

 Thus the notion of moving through the airport, interacting with airport personal, even sitting on the plane for hours was pretty much of a nonissue for me. Been there, done that (more or less).

 What made it scary is doing all this while showing my guy ID. I figured I would have to show it (or the ticket with my guy name on it) to at least 3 people: the ticket agent, the TSA security personnel, and the airline boarding agent. Since I needed a car to get to the SCC hotel, there would be the 1-2 people associated with the car rental company. Given that there are probably several people at the security check, there would now be at least 6 people who could connect my boy and girl selves.

 Six people turns out to be about double the number of people in the entire world who can connect my boy self and girl selves. I have been out in the world for decades and only 3 people know both my selves.  All of a sudden, a lot more people would know including some in a very legal capacity. Simply speaking, that is what made it so scary.

 I had all sorts of dreadful fantasies about what would happen when I presented by guy ID to some agent. I had fears of outright laughter, snickering, shock, hostility, etc. I worried about getting strip searched by TSA or perhaps somebody yelling “I got a crossdresser here” across the room (remember the scene in the old Woody Allen movie?). I had even darker fears of somebody getting my name and address and secretly blackmailing me.

 Rationally I figured the very worse they could do was to refuse me access to the plane, but it took lots of effort to be rational.

 At the same time, I felt that it was time to do something “new”. Frankly I have been stuck in a rut for years in terms of my girl mode activities. Its funny, when I was first thinking about going out in girl mode, my grandest fantasy was simply to walk down the street in daylight. If I could just do this, I thought, all would be grand. Years later, getting dressed, going to the symphony, and sitting among hundreds of people for hours are things I can do without a second thought. It has been years since I did anything I considered to be “risky” and clearly flying in girl mode qualified as “risky.”

 So have decided to go, the next step was getting ready to go.